Dummy Of The Week

In honor of February – or continuing to honor February like this blog was Black History Month, this week’s Dummy Of The Week is February related. I know that since the return of this blog you’ve been dying to see who the first DOTW is (see what I did there?), so I don’t want to leave all 3 of you hanging. This week’s Dummy Of The Week is every idiot that thinks they need to remind you how short this month is.

Listen jackhole, first-and-foremost, most February’s run a cool 28 days. Of the other 11 months, five of them (FIVE!) run 30 days. I don’t need to be forewarned over the month being two days short of the average days in a month. Who here among us can say they haven’t had a bender that ran at least two days? I promise you that if we gave February two more days, I would very likely be unproductive for either those two days, or two other days during the month of my choosing. More cranial-pain inducing is the fact that this year is a Leap Year, so we’re only 1 day short of the average month. Pick any day from January 2012 and I bet I couldn’t tell you what I did that day, and that was just LAST MONTH! Not only is the month not really that short but the missing day isn’t worth shit. I don’t need it.

Most importantly, I’m not 5 years old. It should be apparent to all managers, people on the elevator in my building and strangers that think they need to talk to me on the bus, that at this stage of life, if I’m not at least relatively familiar with the number of days in February, I probably didn’t have the skill to dress myself and get to whatever location it is that they think they need to let me in on this as-yet-untold conspiracy theory secret. I’ve experienced plenty of February’s, Rite-Aid check-out lady. I don’t need your calendar insights. Just scan my card and get me out of here. I have a lot to do. It’s a short month. If you like telling everyone how short this month is, you are our Dummy Of The Week.