Youamdumb's Blog

Just another weblog

Topic #46 – Claim Your Bags Elsewhere

Wow, here we are at mighty milestone number 46 on the You Am Dumb tour. I don’t think it’s any more of a milestone than say, #12, but for a while there, I thought this was going to fade into a Dummy Of The Week only site. Well, fuck that – it’s time to cover the dumb. Let’s talk about travel, shall we?

As you all know (or as some of you know, or none of you), I travel pretty regularly. I have obtained a multiple of pet peeves about said traveling as it you can’t walk to your local (insert your local shopperie here) without encountering at least 3-5 idiots. Today though, I’m talking about the airport. More specifically, baggage claim.

I don’t even try and travel with big enough bags to need to check one, but occasionally on long trips, you have no choice but to subjugate yourself to the colon probe of a bag check. On Southwest it’s cool, but regardless of the airplane, the result when you want to get your bag is the same: some geezer/douche/foreigner decides that where you’re standing waiting for your bag is the exact place they need to jump in front of to grab their bag that’s been on the carousel for 2 minutes.

Look handsy, it’s great that you feel the desire to not loose your neon plaid, duck-taped satchel with various white oval country stickers plastered all over, but if you haven’t noticed – the carousel MOVES. So should you…out of my face. I don’t need an “excuse me”. I don’t need you dropping the shoulder like Warren Sapp trying to get skinny to sack the quarterback. I need you to move your one-too-many-Hostess-cupcakes ass on down the line. You’re not rescuing Moses here and if you miss grabbing your bag this go ’round there are two potential outcomes.

One, why would you want to retrieve your bag if it carries the same wardrobe I see on your gum-flapping body anyway? Let that shit go and re-up on clothes in town. B, I promise you if your ride is as dumb as you are, they haven’t pulled up to the curb yet. Let your bag make a full rotation and hopefully either  a bomb sniffing dog finds it or someone with more pity than me decides to set it on fire. Either way, we’re all better off.

Frankly, if you can’t wait your impatient ass a few more seconds to grab your bag without barge past me like a homeless guy chasing a quarter rolling down the street, YOU AM DUMB.

It’s good to be back…


December 3, 2010 - Posted by | Uncategorized

1 Comment »

  1. Nicely done! I wholeheartedly agree…don’t even get me started on the security process. I honestly just wait in the background until I see my bag (and an opening-this part is key as you know) and then slither in there, grab my shit and get the f*ck away from the miscreants that somehow scrounged up enough coin to fly on an airplane.

    Comment by Maggie | December 5, 2010 | Reply

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: