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Dummies Of The Week

Yeah, that’s right true and faithful readers, there’s no typo in that title (really with four words, I should be able to keep it together, right?)  This week there is a massive tie at the top for Dummy Of The Week honor.  Not one, not two, but three people are winners this week.  Two of them are earning their status together and one is stepping out into a whole new venture of Dumb.  I could easily do a regular M-Th post on how dumb it is for a guy to actually read a “dating tips from women” book and change accordingly, but considering the promoting going on this week, I’m taking a shot at the authors.

Two books have been heavily promoted this week:  The Day I Shot Cupid by Jennifer Love (C)Hewitt and Undateable by Ellen Rakieten and Ann Coyle.  Both have levels of retardation that is beyond comprehension.  First of all, who is reading this shit?  It’s not (straight) guys, I promise you, because if they are, they aren’t straight.  Ladies, you aren’t helping men or women out.  Since women are likely the only people to buy this book, and the women who buy this book are unequivocally sheep, all you are doing is giving these women more reasons not to give men a chance along with a false expectation of what to expect from men.  Men have been men for a very long time, and have become awfully good at being men.  We do a lot of ridiculous stuff; screw up, say dumb things at dumb times, have movie-inspired terms for body parts, etc., but if you can’t get past a little of that, you probably need to check the women looking for women box next time you go date-hunting on Craigslist.

Hewitt has actually been going to the same jewelry store every month since she was 12 to look at wedding rings.  If she doesn’t realize this is a turn-off to all men on the planet, she is off her rocker.  The first time you went in that store, you shot cupid sweetheart.  The rest has just been a slow and painful death of the little cherub.  One of her “strikes” is if a man constantly replies “that’s so dumb” after you say something.  Really?  What was your clue of that being a bad sign?  This is a woman who dated Jamie Kennedy for god’s sake.  I’m sure he’s plenty funny and all, but how many times can he say “Mali” before you really just say “Boo?”

Ellen Ratieken is a producing partner of Jerry Seinfeld which in no way makes her funny.  She’s already married and in an interview I heard with her this morning, she commented about some things she recently heard her husband said that made her cringe.  Dummy, how can you claim to write a book about things men say and do that make them undateable, when you married a guy who does those very things?  Some highlights of her undateables:  Mandanas (men who wear bandanas) – okay, unless you’re a cholo or Rafael Nadal, are you really doing this?  If you are, you’re either French or on the Jersey Shore, in which you can pull it off in either case.  Shaved Head Patterns – only black guys do this and the only people that don’t like it are people that can’t pull it off (aka white people).  If white people could cut cool shit in their hair, it would be the biggest thing in fashion.  Own a reptile – you mean besides the alligator between your legs, Ma’am?  Seriously, if you won’t date a guy because he has an iguana, hit the bricks, toots.  She actually derided the phrase “how’s it hanging” in the interview I heard.  I’m currently banging my head against a desk.

Ellen likes to consistently tell guys that certain actions are for men who are under 21, like owning jeans with any embellishment.  What I believe is that Ellen was last relevant to dating when she was under 21 and has been stuck in her world ever since.  The point is this ladies:  whenever I see one of these books, it’s always a collection of opinions from one side of the fence.  An old adage I like to remember whenever I see someone who appears odd to me is this:  Somebody’s f**king him (or her).  Save your judgmental bullshit for the nail salon and quit complaining about being  in your 40’s and single.  You don’t have to take any slob off the street, but if you’re going to not date a guy because he wears his cellphone on his belt, you deserve to be a cat-lady.  Ladies, your books will probably sell like hot-cakes to women that are seeking reasons to justify being alone, and for that, YOU AM DUMB.

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March 26, 2010 - Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , , , , , ,

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