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Topic #34 – You Are Not A Bracketologist

What better way to kick off the most loved, most work-stopping event in the Country than with a post about the NCAA Basketball Tournament?  It’s that time once again for grown men and women to call in “sick” for both Thursday and Friday…two weeks in a row.  For endless hours spent analyzing statistics from websites we visit only one week every year.  For everyone to remember who the hell Joe Lunardi is, and of course, the return of the all important “Boss button”.

Of course, this is also the time of year when self-proclaimed college basketball “experts” in your office and circle of friends are going to try and tell you why UC-Santa Barbara is a near lock to upset Ohio St., and bring up events from 19 years ago, like Richmond’s upset of Syracuse as proof that it can happen.  They’ll extol the virtues of the 12 seed upsetting a 5 seed and the value of picking at least one 11 seed.  Yes, it can all happen; and that’s the point, dummy.  It CAN all happen and it very well might all happen.  However, you have as much knowledge of HOW it’s going to happen as Gloria in accounting does, and she makes her picks based on who has the prettiest mascot (how she’s picking the Texas A&M-Utah St. tilt, a game of Aggies vs Aggies, I have no clue).

It’s the N-C-double-fricking-A Tournament.  64 teams.  About 55 of which you haven’t watched a full game of all year.  You have a better chance of picking who will win the next Arena Bowl if you had no clue what cities had teams and I just told you to pick from a list.  After the first weekend of games ends and 35-40% of bracket-fillers hopes of winning money on ESPN’s Tournament Challenge are crushed, the second weekend comes and dashes the hopes of about 85% of the rest of you.  The simple thing here is to say, “I make some educated guesses, and pray that at least once I come out in the top 10 percentile.”  You don’t impress me by telling me you’ve won your office pool the last 3 years running.  There are 7 people in your office and Ed in accounting keeps trying to pick Memphis St. because he likes the way that “Anfernee kid spells his name.”  Fill out your bracket, laugh about the upsets you think might happen, and then shut up, and watch it all fall to pieces.  If you think that you know how this tournament will end because you are a “bracketologist”, YOU AM DUMB.

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March 18, 2010 - Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , , , , , , , , ,

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