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Topic #32 – It’s All On The Package

Six out of ten guys hate shopping.  Two out of ten guys are gay.  The other two are either borderline or full-on metrosexuals which means probably three out of the ten are gay.  The point is that most guys don’t have a clue how to shop, especially for clothes.  This became even more apparent to me yesterday as I went to purchase some new underwear.

Now I know what you might be thinking:  “When did YOU start wearing underwear?  …Again.”  The answer to that is right after I got out of your Mom’s bed.  Seriously, when I started wearing underwear again doesn’t matter.  What matters is the crazy scene I saw when I hit the men’s underwear aisle of my local, um, underwear seller.  Two things struck me in the face like the funk odor of a car that’s been slept in by a bum (see Topic #21):  there was a guy who entered the aisle just ahead of me who was removing pairs of underwear from their nice packages and looking them over, and the aisle was littered with depackaged underwear laying about.

Fellas, buying underwear is about as simple as it gets.  There’s a picture of a dude you’ll never look like on the front, but he’s wearing a pair of the same underwear that’s in the package you’re holding.  Also, on the back or the top of the package is another picture of the underwear awaiting you inside.  In addition, the size of the underwear is listed in at least two places on said packaging.  I advise checking your current underwear size before starting this purchasing experience.  This article of clothing is, next to socks, the least expensive article of clothing you’ll buy, so even if you screw it up, it’s not that much of a hit to the wallet.  There is no surprise with underwear; what it says it is on the package, is what you’re getting.  I wouldn’t even care, except I have no interest in buying pre-fondled underwear.  The heterosexual in me just has no interest in buying underwear that’s already had another man’s hands on it, you know?  If you take underwear out of the package to inspect it, YOU AM DUMB.

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February 17, 2010 - Posted by | Uncategorized | , , ,

1 Comment »

  1. Indeed I chuckled out rather too loudly as I read this and promptly woke up the wino who was asleep in my path. Although I can sympathize with your frustration for purchasing a simple necessity, but atlas, I can not relate to not wanting a fella to fondle my undies…preferably with me watching….. ;-0

    Comment by Tiffany | February 17, 2010 | Reply


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