Youamdumb's Blog

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Dummy Of The Last Two Weeks!

So we’ve all agreed that I update this blog like Mr. T appears in stuff: somewhat random, almost never in the same place twice and generally amusing, with a touch of PAIN.  I’m not sure what that means so let’s move on.  I debated for a while as to who would actually gain the grand distinction of being such an idiot they could take up a whole 2 weeks worth of title.  Actually, the debate centered on two people that, for now, live in the same house.  Being the Gemini that I am, the awesome jerk-store side of me really wanted to label Elin Nordegren as the Dummy Of The Last Two Weeks.  I mean, did she really think that being married to a top athlete, regardless of the sport, was going to be a faithful event?  But honestly, that lack of understanding isn’t good enough to lock up a full two weeks worth of dummy.

This one’s for you, Tiger.  There are so many elements to your Dumb-ness that I may not even be able to cover it all.  First off, HAVE YOU SEEN YOUR WIFE?  I know the saying, “for everyone beautiful woman there’s a guy who’s tired of being with her” but come on – you couldn’t have figured out how to deal with her?  That just goes to show how much power and celebrity go to dim what most men would put on a pedestal.   So you decide to cheat on her, but you don’t decide to just have some random hit-it-and-quit-its.  No sir, you want to establish relationships with traceable texts and taped phone conversations and a paper trail befitting a puppy left home in a house with toilet paper free to be destroyed.  Even Ari from Entourage has a “Bat Phone”, Dummy!  I don’t keep texts on my phone for simple stuff like people asking me where I am, I’m damn sure not keeping texts on there from anyone saying a bunch of sexual stuff…and I’m single.  You flew the one chick out to meet you in Australia?  Dude, do you know how well a combination of brown(ish) skin and an American accent go over in Australia?  What are you flying her over from America for when there is plenty of Down Under tail that you could have chased?  Then when the argument ensues, you leave your own home?  It’s the ultimate oxymoron:  Tiger finally looks like he’s a little ballsy by stepping out on the wife, then he wilts again by leaving, just because she tries to claw his eyes out.

To recap, you cheated on your wife.  With multiple chicks.  In ways which obviously demonstrated a desire for continuous relationships (as evidenced by over 300 texts to one of them).  You flew at least one of them across the world to see you and tried to cover it up by having the president of one of your companies, who is also a childhood friend do it.  Then when you got caught, you let your wife try and remove your face with her nails, attempt to play Closest To The Pin with your head, and left your own house in such a rush that you crashed into multiple objects.  Tiger Woods, for making real life look like just another episode of Cheaters, YOU AM DUMB.

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December 4, 2009 - Posted by | Uncategorized | ,

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