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Topic #9 – The Friar Tuck

I’ve shaved my head pretty consistently since I was about 16 years old.  I used to rock the Kid ‘N Play hi-top fade as well as it’s many offshoots (the ramp, the stair step and the slope, which was pretty much the ramp on it’s side), but my sophmore year our football team decided to all shave our heads as a sign of solidarity or something so I did.  It came out pretty well and since then, save for a few hair relapses, I’ve been a baldy.  Whenever I do let it start to grow back in I generally get a lot of grief from friends and the occasional idiot that like to point out that there are parts of my scalp that don’t produce hair at the same speed as other parts.  They call these “bald patches”.  I call them “slow-growth areas”.  The hair WILL come back in to those areas, it just takes it longer to get there.  It’s been the case since I started shaving my head.  Nobody seems to hear this however, and because I don’t want to risk them potentially being right, I just keep my head shaved.  And that’s with a couple potential balding areas.

Word to the unwise:  If you’re a guy who had a full head of hair and either parts or all of a section has decided to abandon ship, throw the baby out with the bathwater (that’s a mix of metaphors I in no way expect you to follow).  In layman’s terms – if the hair on top goes, shave your whole head and save yourself the trouble.  I have met women that like men with big lion’s manes of hair, I’ve met women that like men with shaved heads, and I’ve met women that don’t care as long as you’re buying dinner.  Yet, I’ve never met one woman who said she prefers or even likes a guy who is losing/has lost the hair on the top of his head and keeps a hair moat surrounding the perimeter of his cranium.  Look Friar Tuck, Robin Hood is not going to jump out of Sherwood Forest and invite you to join a band of merry men and if he did you should politely suggest he try West Hollywood for that type of fun.  Shave your damn head. 

Don’t tell me that you have an ugly shaped head.  The follicle floatation device you’re rocking can’t be a bettter look than your bald dome.  I look at guys with the Friar Tuck hair cut and expect legs to start can-canning out of the bottom.  Any miracle in hair restoration that might really replace the locks on the top of your nugget can replace ALL the hair.  No reason to hold onto that ring of Saturn like someone with one good kidney waiting for a donor.  You may be a great guy but if I meet you and you’re rocking a dust ruffle of hair on your head, I immediately think, “here’s a guy that either can’t make a decision or can’t let go when the ships sinking.”  If you think that maintaining a lucky horseshoe of hair on your head is stylish or a necessity for any reason, YOU AM DUMB.

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November 5, 2009 - Posted by | Uncategorized | ,

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