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Topic #4 – Taking The Entire Family To The Movies

Ok, I get it – the economy is tight right now and you want to have a nice night out with the family.  Makes perfect sense.  You’ve loaded up the family hauler with the wife, the kids including the infant, and grandma too.  You had a great dinner at Olive Garden or whatever “Apostrophe S” restaurant you decided to go to (Bennigan’s, TGIFriday’s, Applebee’s – what is with the possessive personality, fast food chains?  It’s so grammatically incorrect.)  Now you want to go to a show.  Here’s where it gets murky.  I don’t recall ever being to a theater that had more than 4 movies playing where at least 1 wasn’t a kids movie.  Yet for some reason, while I’m all cozy in my seat for whatever gun-wielding, boob-showing, f-bomb dropping, action-packed, good-script-lacking, R-rated movie I’ve been dying to see for 6 months, in walks about 8 generations from one family to sit in the row in front of me.  A great-grandmother that’s too old to even hear the loudest of Jason Statham’s “OY” grunts and a baby way too young to watch whatever “aspiring model/actress” bare her chesticles on screen because she thought it was her best career move.

Here’s a zany idea:  Leave grandma at home with the kids.  I know, it’s wacky as all get out, but neither age group has any clue, nor cares what the hell is going on on-screen, and I’m sure of this because granny is constantly bellowing “What did he say?” because she has no volume control because she can’t hear shit, and the kids are bawling their eyes out because watching a man get shot 10 times and somehow still being able tell his partner to go and “f**k ’em all up” is something they even understand as being inappropriate for their age group.  If you have grandparents that are alive and live within 50 miles of you when you have children, that is what we in the real world like to call “built-in babysitters.”  When I see grandparents and kids at a movie that’s not fit for either of them, I automatically think that the parents are afraid that the grandparents would touch the kids in their privates if they left them alone with them, otherwise, why the hell are the babysitters out with those that need babysitting in the first place?  If you take everyone from grandma to your not-of-age child to R-rated movies, YOU AM DUMB.

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October 28, 2009 - Posted by | Uncategorized | ,

1 Comment »

  1. OMG. This is toooo funny. Come to Brooklyn — the parents will be on their cell phones with their previous partners (not the ones seated next to them) with their calls regarding their kids from their previous failed relationship (notice I didn’t say marriage) who are in the next theater with their other kids who are also watching an inappropriate movie (e.g., “Bruno”, “Pelham 1,2,3”). They are talking at full volume, their phone wasn’t on vibrate, and their conversation lasted longer than two minutes. That is why we buy bootlegs from the Chinese lady who comes to the restaurant/bar……….

    Comment by Maggie | October 28, 2009 | Reply


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