Dummy Of The Week

I’m getting damn near close to just calling our Friday winner “Athlete Of The Week”.  It just doesn’t stop with these guys.  I know that Big Ben Roethlisberger’s rape party foul happened months ago, but the fact that the proverbial #2 is hitting the oscillating fan this week is just cause for me to bestow him with the honor.  I was very close to handing this week’s title to the city of Pittsburgh for being so boring that Ben felt the need to go to Georgia for some fun, but the fact that he went there, allegedly plowed an overly drunk 20-something in the bathroom at a bar, and then posed for pictures with the cops after, is just too ridiculous not to give it to him.

I’ve never paid for it (directly) and don’t have plans of ever doing so, but fellas, take a note from Charlie Sheen here.  No, not the one that says I’m going to stab you with a kitchen knife, the one that says, BUY A HOOKER.  They’re cheaper than lawyers or hitmen, and they live on repeat business, so they’re likely to keep their hog-swallowing mouth shut.  When you’re a multi-million dollar earning professional quarterback, what you want is discretion and nothing to get in the way of you earning dollars in the league.  The average football career is something like 3 years, give or take a Favre.  You’re pressing your luck and Georgia seems to be full of Whammy’s Ben.  Party in Vegas, buy a bevy of escorts, and stop trying to poke money hungry innocent Southern girls in the butt.  Be lucky you’re white buddy, cuz if you were Jason Campbell you would have gotten lynched before you got out of the state and the league would be looking to ship you to Saskatchewan.  It’s pretty simple here, Ben: YOU AM DUMB.